What’s really driving my hustle?

People often say I’m driven. Motivated. Focused. Relentless, even.

And yeah, that might be true. I do hustle hard. I give it everything I’ve got, leave no stone unturned… that’s my default setting.

But lately, I’ve been wondering - where does that actually come from? What’s underneath that mentality?

I’ve always said it’s about providing for my whānau. Creating stability. Building something meaningful and lasting. That makes me feel proud and protects the people I love most. I want to give life everything I’ve got, not just for me, but for them.

And don’t get me wrong - that’s all true.

But if I dig a little deeper, and really sit with it, I reckon there’s something else hiding underneath that story too.

Insecurity.

Not the kind that makes me question who I am - I know who I am, and I’m good with that.

But the kind that makes me scared to stop moving.

It’s that fear of not having enough. The fear of instability. The fear that if I stop grinding, I’ll wake up one day and realise I’ve let everything slip through my fingers.

And that fear… it drives me. So I hustle.

I over prepare so I can over deliver. I wake up early and attack the day. I back myself in every scenario, because it makes me feel safe. Like I’m protecting what matters most. Like if I give everything I’ve got now, maybe one day I’ll never have to feel that sense of insecurity.

Over the years, I’ve built a bit of a moat around my whare. We’re doing alright now. But here’s the weird part - the fear doesn’t go away.

Even as our business grows, and the buffer gets a little thicker, the fear still sits quietly in the back of my mind. So I move the goalposts. Set new targets. Hustle harder.

I heard this metaphor once about a mouse is running toward a piece of cheese. That’s what it looks like, anyway.

But the real question is - is the mouse chasing the cheese?
Or running from the cat behind it?

I know it’s a bit out there, and I’m a bit weird, but that stuck with me.

Because for a long time, I thought I was chasing the cheese - that beautiful, secure, purpose driven life I want to create for my whānau.

But when I really reflect on it… I think I’ve been running from the cat more than I’d like to admit.

And that’s a shift I want to make for myself.

I want to be pulled forward by the things that matter. I don’t want to be driven by fear.

I want to be motivated by the vision of a full and stable life. A life where I provide for my whānau, overcome challenges, and have moments that genuinely make me feel awesome.

I don’t want to be driven by the anxiety that it might all fall apart.

Because when you’re running from the cat, you’re always looking over your shoulder. You’re reactive. You’re in survival mode.

But when you’re chasing the cheese? You’re moving with purpose. You’re focused on the future. You’re pulled forward by something greater - and I can’t help but think that changes everything.

Don’t get me wrong - the hustle’s not going anywhere. That’s who I am. It’s in my DNA.

But I want my hustle to be anchored in purpose, not panic. Pulled towards something meaningful, not pushed by fear.

That’s the shift. That’s all. I’m a guy trying to figure some stuff out and that’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.

Eye’s on the cheese.

Ngā mihi,
Anton